


Of Smuppets and Santas

by galaxyofstarrydays



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Christmas Lights, Christmas Presents, Earth C (Homestuck), Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Explosions, Fluff and Angst, M/M, Pranks and Practical Jokes, Secret Santa, Swearing, bro isnt an asshole and all the beta guardians came back after they won, innuendos, sort of, they do not hurt anyone i promise you
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-24
Updated: 2016-12-24
Packaged: 2018-09-11 19:56:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 18,314
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9008869
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/galaxyofstarrydays/pseuds/galaxyofstarrydays
Summary: John decides to participate in a Secret Santa at Jade's urging. After all, what's better than a holiday with friends? His feelings seem to have another idea for this gift exchange, however.





	1. a beginning, of sorts

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Miramise](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Miramise/gifts).



> for miramise on tumblr, for the homestuck secret santa! hope you enjoy, this sort of got out of hand :P
> 
> edit: wow, i totally forgot to properly gift this on ao3 :o now properly gifted!

You were sitting peacefully at his desk, chewing on a pen, when Jade burst into the room.

“Hey! John!” She yelled, twirling your chair around, towards herself. You nearly jumped out of your skin, scrambling as far back in your chair as you could. _Jade??? What was she doing here???_ You thought fervently, scared out of your wits. Shouldn’t she be in the troll kingdom? A quick glance towards your desk calender (why did you still have that, by the way? seriously) informed you that it wasn’t anywhere near your birthday, or anyone else’s for that matter. You redirected your eyes towards Jade and nervously spoke.

“Er... not that I’m not glad you’re here, but, um, why?” You questioned, bringing a hand up to bite at your nails. Jade’s eyes sharpened as she flopped down at your ghost comforter.

“Can’t I just come to visit?” She asked, screwing up her mouth. You felt a pulse of guilt and opened your mouth to reply, but she beat you to the punch by pulling out a notebook, “...Butttt not this time.” She said, opening the notebook.

“So.” She began, excitement creeping back into her voice. Oh no. “Dave and I were thinking. Wouldn’t a gift exchange be a ton of fun? Secret Santa, of course.” Jade enthused, leaning forward. It didn’t sound terrible, you thought. Getting everyone together would be fun… You glanced at Jade’s face, and couldn’t sense any ulterior motives. Hmm.

“Yes… that sounds interesting?” You offered, unsure of what to say, exactly. Jade brightened and quickly scribbled something down. “Perfect! Seeyouinamonth for it!” Jade grinned, her words slurring together a little as she rushed out of the room. Probably to prevent you from backing out, You guessed. You shrugged, and turned back to the computer. Well, it would be fun to see everyone again, wouldn’t it? What could go wrong?

…

Everything.

….

You had forgotten about it until the day of, despite Jade’s frequent and enthusiastic texts, and had to rush out of the door, messily dressed and hastily packed. Why it was at the break of dawn, you would never guess. Especially considering how far away you had to drive! The Secret Santa was at Bro’s house, of all places. _Dave probably bribed her,_ you thought as you loaded your stuff into the trunk. Of course he’d wanna be at Bro’s house. Considering everyone’s busy schedules, Jade had decided to hold a week-long event inside of just assigning these things over texts and meeting up to exchange gifts a month later, like normal people. How that made sense, you didn’t know. At least it would be over in one fell swoop, and during Christmas, too. Plus, you didn’t have to work. Your job was nice enough to give you the week off.

Still, his house was two hours away. About where Houston used to be, if you remembered right. You supposed you could use your windy powers to summon some colder temperatures, maybe even snow. You giggled at the thought, sliding into your car. As you revved the engine, you ran through your possible matches. It was random, but… you’d probably get Dave, right? A nice turntable, maybe some vinyls. If you got Rose, yarn, of course, and maybe some troll literature? That would work for Kanaya, too. Or maybe you’d get…

The drive seemed very short, considering you were lost in what-ifs on the whole way there. Before you knew it, you were pulling up on the driveway and parking in Bro’s spacious garage. He had even marked out a space for you, aww. Although… You got out of your car and approached the sign Bro had put up. It was cardboard, hastily taped to the wall, and written in sloppy orange writing. It read:

JOHN’S SPOT

In large text. However, right below it, almost indistinguishable:

Reserved for that fine piece of ass. Mmm.

Your mouth flattened out into a line and you felt a blush spread over your face. Man. Bro… seriously?

“Hey, sweetheart, you saw the sign?” You heard a voice from behind. You sigh and whirl around, crossing your arms. Bro. He stood, self-assured and confident, his mouth stretched into a huge smile. Jeez, why was he so… like this? He was so hot, if he just would just… you caught yourself and blushed harder, and Bro’s smile only seemed to widen.

“Oooh? What thoughts are going through that head pretty little head of yours, Egbert?” Bro said, his words like honey. You stepped back, bumped into your car, and tripped. _Shit,_ you thought, throwing out your arms. A couple moments later, you realized you weren’t falling anymore. Nothing hurt, either. You realized your eyes were squeezed shut, and you cracked them open to Bro’s slightly-worried slightly-trimputant eyes. He had caught you. You were stuck in this sort-of dip position, with one of Bro’s arms around the front of your waist and the other balled up in the back of your shirt. Bro chuckled as he helped you stand successfully. You swallowed, your face a red mess.

“Wow, that excited to see me, huh? Had to trip so I’d come to your rescue, your valiant knight in shining armor?” Bro grinned, striking a pose. Your blush deepened still, but you had to stop yourself from laughing. You were just sort of prone to falling, that didn’t mean you did it for Bro’s benefit!

“I’m just… clumsy! That’s all, man.” You whined, embarrassed. He just slapped you on your back and chuckled, heading back towards the door to the house.

“Sure, man. I’ll be in the house if you need me,” Bro said. He thought for a moment, then said, “Your room is just up the stairs, at the end of the hall. Has your name taped on the door, hard to miss.” Bro finished, giving you a wave before shutting the door behind him.

You fumed as you unpacked the back of your car. You hadn’t even been here for five minutes, and you were already humiliated! You moodily slammed the car’s trunk shut and gathered up your stuff. You headed for the door and opened it to an… interesting interior.

 

The hardwood floor was littered with plushies, smuppets and other puppets. Christmas lights ran the walls and the doorways were rife with mistletoe and more plushies, these ones hanging. As you proceeded, the hallway opened into the living room. The room had hardwood floor and wood walls, giving it a homely looked that was only slightly offset by the sheer number of smuppets. Only a little. There was more lights in here, _if that was even possible_ , and a tall, undecorated tree. A fireplace and TV dominated the room, surrounded by the softest couches you had ever seen. Stockings of… bright colors decorated the fireplace, and you could spot one with your name on it. Out of fear of another ‘special’ message from Bro, you just rolled your eyes and headed up the steps to your right. 

To your surprise, lights still dominated the hallway but the smuppets and other assorted plushies were gone. Relieved, you dragged your items all the way down the hallway (Bro was sure loaded, wasn’t he? So many rooms) to the last door on the end. True to his word, it had a shitty sign with your name scrawled on it taped to the door. To your relief, with no odd messages attached. You pushed the door open and were greeted to a mostly uninteresting room. You unpacked your items, then flopped onto the bed with a book to wait for the others to arrive.


	2. pranks and glitter

Jade didn’t even arrive until much later, to your eternal annoyance. She had texted you about an half hour after you arrived:

GG: sorry im running a bit late! ill be there in, like, an hour! i promise!

It didn’t tamper down your annoyance, though. A suitable prank would be her punishment! You decided to go downstairs and get to work. You stood up, tucked the phone into your pocket, and headed downstairs to the kitchen. To your surprise, you found Bro.

“Hey, Egbert. Sup?” He asked, turning to look at you, shades adorning his face. He was wearing nothing but a pair of tighty-whiteys and a pink, ruffled apron. It read “Hot Mama”. You stood, dumbfounded, before answering.

“Err….” You gestured to the apron, but Bro just chuckled and shrugged.

“Not… much.” You said, struggling to get the words out. For a moment you stood silent, but then remembered what you had come downstairs for, “Hey! Do you have any sugar?” You asked. Bro looked mildly confused for a split second, but it passed so fast you were unsure it ever even happened. He nodded and bent down to, presumably, retrieve said sugar, giving you a nice shot of his butt in the meantime. When he finally stood up, your face was sort of pink, but luckily you had it under control. Somewhat. Bro gave you a smirk and held out the sugar, which you gratefully snatched. Now, then… You turned to leave, then gave Bro a look over your shoulder.

“Do have any… glitter? A leafblower, maybe?” You asked nervously, biting your lip. Bro’s smirk widened into a full out grin.

“Planning a prank, little man? Maybe I can help?” He asked, moving towards you. You thought for a moment, looking down. It would be nice to have someone helping you, but… Bro? Ugh. You had to admit that it’s more likely you could pull this off together… You looked back to see Bro’s sort-of hopeful face. It was hard to tell with his eyes obscured, you couldn’t resist that, you guessed.

“Sure…?” You said, teeth clenched a bit. You couldn’t deny the fact Bro made you a little nervous, but… you were excited, too. Dave had told you of the great pranks he’d pulled off while Dave still lived with him, as a kid, so the prospect was exciting. Bro’s grin widened and he cranked the heat off the stove. You chanced a glance down, and gave Bro a Look.

“But you need to put on actual clothing, alright?” You said, one hand on your hip, the other balancing the the sugar. Bro sighed, then nodded.

“Whatever you say, Prankmaster.” He conceded. You really hoped this would go well.

…

This was going to be the best prank _ever_. Bro was crouched behind the tree with you as you surveyed the prank setup. First, Jade would walk in the door. Nothing out of the ordinary, there. She would then head to the living room, naturally- and Bro had set up a tripwire of sorts at the end of the hall, but it was so well hidden she would never catch it. From there, Bro had run some calculations (you were dying to know what they were, but, naturally, a prankster never reveals his secrets) so the entire room would explode at precisely the right moment, if the both of you did your parts right. You had set up a speaker and a present on the couch; the speaker would broadcast your voices, quietly speaking, and the present was green with white pawpads, sure to attract her attention. After that…

The piles of smuppets and other assorted puppets were filled with sugar, glitter, and some sort of weird alternian powder (that was very shiny but had the consistency of flour), and set to explode. Bro had assured you the explosions wouldn’t cause any damage to the house (you did not particularly care about this) or any person (you did care about this).

You and Bro were hidden behind the tree, and Bro was holding a camera, steadied against his shoulder, to get an optimal recording of the carnage. Shoulder-to-shoulder, your breath came quick and quiet as you waited patiently. Jade had sent you another text; she was getting close, and it wouldn’t be long now. Your hands played with the edges of your shirt as you sent Bro an excited glance. He sent you a long, pleased one back, his shades abandoned during the stuffing of the smuppets, and you felt your stomach flip as you quickly looked away. What was that? But you just didn’t any time to dwell on it; you could hear Jade coming in. You took a deep breath, let it out, and leaned forward a bit, wrapping your fingers around the thin branches that obscured your view. For the best, you thought; they would stop Jade from seeing the both of you too early. The both of you… your mind wandered for a moment before Jade’s footsteps brought you back to reality.

“John?... Bro?” She called out, an undercurrent of worry in her voice. Almost enough to make you reconsider. Almost. You pressed down on the button on your voice, and activated the speakers. Your indistinct, vague voices floated down the hall, and you could hear Jade heading towards the living room. Although it was difficult to see, you saw Jade pause in the doorway of the room, spotting the present. She seemed suspicious, and you glanced at Bro, but he just nodded. Well…

“John? Bro? What are you guys doing?.... Is this a prank?” Jade asked, narrowing her eyes as she crept up on the present. Closer, closer, and….

The room exploded into a cacophony of color, noise, and explosions. You watched, almost in slow motion, as the puppets spewed their sugar, glitter, and troll powder outwards, and grinned at Jade’s shocked expression. It was over in a couple precious seconds, seconds you would value for the rest of your life. Bro’s slow chuckle was the only noise you heard as the surveyed the wreckage.

Puppet fluff everywhere. Glitter, sugar, and troll powder seemed to cover all surfaces in the room; some of it had flown through the tree, and you found your hands and face partially covered in the stuff. Jade’s face still held one of shock. She was coated, head to toes, in it; no part of her seemed to have been spared. You noticed the suitcase she had rolled in behind her was also covered. You held your breath, Bro’s chuckle faded and the room was silent. Jade’s face went through several phases- confusion, anger, shock, and then vague amusement with annoyance. She wiped at her face, and sighed, looking around. You shrunk back, and pawed at Bro’s arm. Should you jump out? He turned and thought for a second, before nodding. You grinned and turned, then jumped out from behind the tree, Bro behind you.

“Got you!” You yelled triumphantly, throwing your hands above your head. The mixture of substances floated down onto your face, but you didn’t care. You had finally gotten Jade. Jade pressed a hand to the side of her face and blew the hair out of her face.

“John…” She started, but was interrupted by you and Bro high-fiving. As you turned back to Jade, she seemed to have a mischievous look in her eyes, but it quickly faded. It made you a little nervous, but it was probably nothing, right? Jade just sighed, a small smile making it’s way onto her face.

“Alright, I’ll admit it, you got me.” She said, throwing her arms up and shaking her head. The mixture flew everywhere, and you had to shield your face for a moment. When your arms came down, she was looking right at you.

“You have to help clean up, though! Both of you.” Jade said firmly. You gasped, bringing in your hands to your chest.

“Me? Not help clean up? Where’d you get that idea?” You asked, mock-offended. Jade gave you a knowing look, rolling her eyes. She stepped forward and poked you in the chest.

“I know your ways, John.” She said simply. Jade then headed over to the hallway closet and yanked a vacuum, which was bright pink with a plush handle. Jade gave it look before dragging it over to Bro. You looked over at him. He had a look of grim defeat on his face, like his worst enemy had finally arrived. You scrunched up your eyebrows in confusion, and he spotted your expression.

“Cleaning, my biggest weakness.” He moaned, leaning dramatically on the vacuum. You scoffed and gave him soft punch on his shoulder. He just groaned, pouting like you had hurt him.

“Get up, you big baby, we have cleaning to do.” You said, rolling your eyes at him.

“You too, buddy.” Jade’s voice drew your attention back to her, just in time to catch blue hand vacuum. You gave it an incredulous look and she sighed, her hands on her hips. “For the couch, dummy.” She said, and you nodded. With a glance and a kick at Bro, who was still draped over the vacuum, you got to work.


	3. meet & greet

You were still cleaning the carpet of the room when the first guests, other than you and Jade, arrived. You paused as the doorbell rang, and made to turn off the vacuum and answer it, but Jade beat you to the punch, abandoning the task of wresting the covers off the couch cushions to clean them. Before you could even begin to head towards the door, she had streaked down the hall and was opening it. You resigned yourself to your fate, and pushed the vacuum towards the wall. Bro had absconded shortly after Jade left to take a shower, so you had no idea where he was.

You had just finished vacuuming as Rose, Roxy, Dave, Calliope, and Kanaya walked in, followed by Jade. It had been a while since you had seen your friends, and you were pretty excited. Dave looked towards you and chuckled.

“Already Bro’s househusband, huh? I knew it!” Dave smirked, walking over to you. You glared at him, shaking your head.

“No, of course not, dude! I played a sick prank on Jade, but she made me clean up.” You said, redirecting your glare at Jade, who looked innocent as she chatted with the others. Dave nodded solemnly.

“Of course. Jade is a cruel mistress.” Dave said seriously. You could tell he was mocking you, and you gave him a small shove. He just smirked at you. Typical Dave. As you glanced around, though, you noticed a distinct lack of any of the trolls, barring Kanaya. Not even Nepeta had come?

“Hey man, where are the trolls? You’d think they’d wanna come.” You asked, biting your lip. Dave shrugged.

“They had this huge 12th perigee party that they all went to. Tradition, apparently. Kanaya didn’t mind missing it.” He said. Huh. Made sense, you supposed. You turned back to the others, and waved over Rose.

“Nice to see you, John. I see you’ve pulled a wonderful prank. I suppose there will be many more to come?” Rose said, a hint of warning in her voice. Shit.

“Errr, no! No more funny business here. Madam.” You said, your voice wavering a bit. Rose’s face broke out into a soft grin.

“Oh, good.” She said. Dave just snorted and elbowed you.

“What a freaking pushover.” He said, rolling his eyes at you. You elbowed him back, sending a him a ‘shut up, dude’ look. He just didn’t know the struggle. Rose went easy on him since they were related, but you had no such luck. Rose interrupted your little game by clearing her throat. Both of you looked over at Rose, who then grabbed you by the elbow and dragged you into the kitchen.

“Let’s catch up, shall we?” She said, sitting down at the counter. Might as well, you thought as you took a seat yourself. This was going to take a while.

…

The other guests arrived in short order after the first group- first Jane, Dirk, and Jake, then Mom, Dad, Jane’s Dad, and Grandpa, and Bec. It was always a little awkward for the alphas when your guardians were around, but everyone tried their best to get along. When the second group had arrived, you, Rose, and Dave, who had been joined by Jade after she had washed the cushion covers, exited the kitchen to greet their respective guardians. You were ecstatic to see your Dad, and you might had a shed a couple of tears. Maybe. Then all of you settled into the living room, with a couple of chairs dragged in to seat everyone. You, Rose, and Jade were squished into the loveseat, and Jade was standing in front of the group of you, with a basket full of paper slips.

You and Dave were engrossed in a game of ‘who can annoy the other the most’, with Rose discreetly on your side, when Jade started talking.

“Alright! Let’s start. If Dave and John would stop…” She let her voice trail off, fixing you with a glare. You shrugged, your hands wrapped around Dave’s wrist in a snake bite, his nails scratching at your thigh.

“What? We not doing anything.” You said innocently, letting his wrist go, he withdrawing his nails. You blinked at her owlishly, and Jade rolled her eyes and turned back to the group. Bro, who was just standing by the tree, gave you an approving look, and you felt your heart swell a bit. You wondered why, but Jade started talking, putting an end to that train of thought.

“So! I’ve already pre-decided the matches, for the sake of simplicity. I’ve split everyone into two groups, and your match will be someone from the other group. This is so you can talk to others in your group about your match, and you’ll be able to get help with what to get them. The groups are as follows: group 1 is Rose, Jake, Calliope, Kanaya, Bro, Dirk, and Roxy. Group 2 is Dave, Mom, John, Dad, Jane, and Grandpa.” Jade announced. (You figured Jane’s Dad just came for moral support, and you were right.) Sweet, Dave was in your group! You exchanged a fistbump with him. Some soft talking started up, but Jade cleared her throat.

“Before y’all get your panties in a bunch, let me pass out the slips.” Jade said, picking one out of the basket. She went person-by-person, picking a piece of paper out and looking for a name on the outside before giving it to said person. You waited, fiddling your fingers. You hoped you’d get Rose, or maybe Roxy. Calliope, maybe Dirk, you could manage. You really hoped you didn’t get Bro. He would probably ask for something super weird.

After five other people, Jade finally reached you. She slipped the paper into your hand, and watched for your reaction as you opened it.

Of course you got Bro. In what universe would you not get Bro? Certainly not this one. You sighed, biting your lip as you tucked the small piece of paper Jade had slipped in into your hand into your pocket. She gave you a sympathetic glance and moved on to Rose. You stared after her. The slips were pre-chosen to give everyone a fair chance of everyone else, but they were supposed to be random… could she have rigged it? No, you thought to yourself, no way. She wouldn’t do that.

Well, at least you didn’t get Kanaya. The fallout if you had gotten her a bad gift… you shuddered just thinking about it, stealing a glance at Rose. She seemed pleased, even a little excited, about her match. You wished you could share her excitement. Jade finished her rounds and made her way back to the front of the room.

“Alright! Everyone has their giftee, now. Let’s talk about the next couple of days.” She said, dragging a chair over from beside the fireplace to sit down, “Tomorrow, we’re going to be doing some holiday activities and writing our lists. The day after, we’ll be distributing these lists and actually getting the presents. Thursday is for the gift-giving, and Friday we’ll all be heading out. Everyone got that?” Everyone nodded, and Jade grinned. “Good! I brought a lot of food, so let’s dig in.” You stood up, with everybody else, and started to head to the kitchen to dig into said food, when you felt someone grab your shoulder. You turned, and it was Jade. She looked a bit guilty.

“Hey, John… would you mind going to the store? Bro’s gonna run out of milk soon, and with everyone here we need more. Do you mind running to the store with him to get some more?” She asked. Your mouth flattened, but you nodded. You weren’t going to turn her down, after all.

“Well, OK. But why do both of us need to go?” You asked, glancing at Bro, who was still standing by the tree, scrolling on his bright pink phone.

“I don’t trust him to get what we need, but he wants to go, so. I figured you were my best bet, y’know?” Jade said. Of course. You rolled your eyes and nodded.

“Well, alright.” You said. Jade gave you a smile and hurried off into the kitchen, leaving you with Bro. He was still engrossed in his phone, and you headed over and tapped his shoulder. Bro glanced up quickly, and reclined against the wall, tucking his phone away.

“Oh, hey. Didn’t see you there, John.” He said, wiggling his eyebrows. You felt slightly infuriated by his slight smirk and glared.

“Come’on, Bro, we got some groceries to get.” You said. To your annoyance, you could sense a bit of whine in your voice, but Bro seemed to ignore it, to your relief. He pushed off the wall and nodded, walking down the hall to the door to the garage. You pulled on your shoes and your jacket, and turned to Bro, who had just slid into his shoes. No jacket. What the heck? You figured it was best not to question him. He opened the door for you, and you headed out into Bro’s huge garage. It was filled with cars, and it took you a moment to spot his convertible. It was, as Dave as told you time and time again, bright pink. You walked over to it, but stopped above halfway there on account of Bro walking directly behind you. You turned around and looked up at him.

“Dude?” You asked, narrowing your eyes.

“Wouldn’t want you to have another fall, huh?” Bro smirked, his shades off and his eyes soft in a way you couldn’t really understand. What a weirdo! As you looked up at him, all tucked underneath, his shoulder hunched over, you realized how close you two really were, and how much you wanted to kiss him. The thought closed your throat, and you pushed him and the urge away. You turned on your heel and stormed to the car. You slumped against the passenger side door, listening to the soft noises of his footsteps. Shit. Shit. This wasn’t supposed to be happening. Sure, Bro and you had had some chemistry in the past… but nothing happened. Nothing was going to happen. He was a weird old man, and you were just imaging things. He didn’t really care. Yeah. You took a couple deep breaths, and the car door unlocked. 

You slid in, and buckled your seatbelt. Bro did as well, and gave you a confused look, but you just grinned. The seat was pink, with little protrusions, like some sort of sea anemone. You settled back into it, glancing around the dashboard. It was decorated with little smuppet plushies, and he had, of course, a pair of fuzzy pink dice. You sniggered, and Bro let out a shocked little gasp as he pulled out of his spot.

“How could you?” He asked, wiping at his eyes as he pulled out of the garage. He pouted, sending an heartbroken look at you, and you rolled your eyes, a little smile creeping onto your face despite yourself.

“I mean… really? Fuzzy dice? How old are you, eighty?” You leaned forward, fixing him with a smug look.

“Old enough to hang whatever I please from my mirror,” He shot back, “at least I’m not, like, 5.” He grumbled. A little weak, you thought, even for him. You glanced over at him, and saw he was biting his lip. Huh. Maybe that little moment of weakness had gotten to both of you. You were out of the driveway, now, and you needed to break this silence, and quickly.

“So, how’d you even afford your house? I mean, that and your garage must have cost a fortune.” You asked, twiddling your thumbs. This change of subject relaxed him, and he nodded, waiting a beat before answering.

“Smuppets sell well. That, combined with all the music I produce, brings in a nice number.” He said, a little lost in thought. “After the game, after I came back… I realized that it might be nice for Dave if we moved away from the city and into some nice house. I dunno, it just seemed like the right thing to do. Everything was so different…” Bro trailed off, his eyes getting distant. You returned your gaze to your hands and let him think. It must have been weird for him, dying and coming back with his brother three years older and so many weird humanoids living on a version of Earth he could never remember. You personally thought the move was as much for Dave as it was for himself.

The drive to the store was short, and before long you found you had arrived. You slid out of the car, and walked over to Bro’s side. The both of you walked silently to the entrance of the Walmart. Wait. Walmart? You looked at Bro as you two walked through the doors of the store.

“Seriously? Walmart? You could afford somewhere a little more, uh, fancier than this.” You said, your mouth flat. Bro shrugged.

“Milk’s milk, little man.” You guessed you couldn’t disagree with that. You left Bro in the fresh section and grabbed a cart, pushed it back towards him. In the couple of seconds it took you to do so, he had already begun arranging the oranges into a crude shape. You made an incredulous noise and grabbed his wrist, pulling him away from the arrangement.

“Dude. We have milk to get.” Bro pouted, but relented, following you to back of the store where the milk was. You pulled the cart alongside the doors and began putting a couple jugs of milk in, while Bro wandered off. You finished putting the four milk jugs in and turned to Bro, who had obtained two cartons of eggnog, three packages of bacon, one package of fish sticks, and a plush pig. He piled them into the cart, and you snorted. A random assortment of things, but most of them were useful, so you didn’t see why not.

On the way to the checkout, Bro put a package of crackers, some marshmallows, three tomatoes, and an onion into the cart. You eyed each addition with confusion, but he was paying for it all. You guessed he could buy anything he wanted. Your checkout was quick- Bro swiped his card and it was done. He didn’t even take the receipt. You wondered what his life was like as you pushed the cart into the inky blackness of the early night winter always caused. Not worrying about finances or what you could afford. You were a little jealous.

Before you knew it, you and Bro had packed the back with groceries and were on the way back to the house. You were getting a little tired, and slumped against the door slipping in and out of sleep. Before you arrived back at the house, you succumbed the dark embrace of sleep.

…

You remember rocking, arms wrapped around you, your mind adrift. You were lowered into something soft, but you were cold until something warm covered you. A soft sigh, and brush of your head, and you were alone, sinking back into your dream.


	4. breakfast and stockings

An alarm you didn’t remember setting woke you up. You rolled over, tangled up in your sheets and reached for your phone. Upon picking it up, however, you found no alarm set. You sleepily glanced around and spotted an old-fashioned alarm clock sitting on the bedside table, still yelling at you. Of course. You slammed the off button and kicked yourself free of your sheets, and stood up. To your surprise, you were still in your regular clothes. What? As your head cleared, you realized you must have fell asleep in the car and someone brought you upstairs. Bro…? You didn’t know.

You shuffled over to your discarded suitcase and opened it, grabbing a new set of clothing. According to your phone, it was 7:00 AM, so you still had time before Jade wanted you downstairs. You glanced around your room, and noticed you had your own bathroom. Bro really was loaded. You swung the door open and headed inside, noting the fact it was connected to another room. Upon setting your items down and looking around it a bit, it became very clear it was the bathroom Bro usually used. A My Little Pony toothbrush (how did he get it? the My Little Pony franchise was from the old Earth. What?) stood next to a basket full of hair gel and perfume. A couple towels hung from pegs on the wall, and a discarded one was in a clothes basket near his door. Overall, a lot cleaner than you had expected.

After taking a quick shower, changing, and brushing your teeth, you were on the way downstairs. It was sort of quiet, but it was pretty early, after all. On your way to the kitchen, you spotted Dirk and Jake sleeping on one of the couches in the living room, and Roxy and Calliope on the other. You supposed there wasn’t enough room? A sinking feel of guilt tugged at your stomach. They could have taken your room, if there wasn’t enough space. You slipped into the kitchen, and, to your surprise, Bro and Jade seemed deep in conversation. The kitchen was covered in bowls, pans, and food. Many things were cooking at once, but Bro and Jade’s conversation was not affected by their multitasking

“-lmost done. The egg bake is browning, maybe about 5 minutes?” Bro said, moving the bacon he was cooking with a spoon. Jade nodded.

“Good, good… the dish in here is nice and cool, so that’s goo- hey John!” Jade said, twirling to face you. You blinked and gave her a little wave.

“Hey, Jade. What are you guys doing?” You asked, walking to the counter and sitting down.

“Preparing breakfast, of course! There’s a lot of people here, so I figured Bro could use a little help.” Jade said, peppy. “You should help, since you’re up so early!” You nodded, glancing at Bro. He was wearing his ‘Hot Mama’ apron once again, but with actual clothing underneath this time. Skinny jeans and a christmas sweater, it looked like. Ripped skinny jeans. Jeez. Miss his youth much? You turned back to Jade, who looked a little smug. You ignored it.

“Sure, what do you need me to do?” You asked, trying to figure out what all was happening. It was pretty overwhelming, so you gave up very quickly. Jade directed to you to the stove that Bro wasn’t using (what a rich fucker) and set you up with cooking scrambled eggs. Easy enough, you thought as you push them around with the silicon spoon Jade handed you.

“Aright, if I’ve planned this right, all of the food should be done around 8, and everyone will be down by 8:30. Let’s go, guys!” Jade squealed happily, rushing to and fro. You gave her a soft smile, and focused on cooking the eggs _just right._ It didn’t really take up that much of your concentration, and you felt your mind wandering. 

You found your mind wandering to Bro. He was so weird, but if he just… ugh. You felt so frustrated. It was as if you were on the edge of some big revelation, but you just couldn’t reach it. The tip of your tongue, so to speak. You didn’t really know what to do about him, or if there was anything to do at all. He always made you go into this weird state… you glanced over at him, cooking his bacon and whistling to himself. You felt your heart soften and hated it, whipping your eyes back over to your pan of eggs. After a moment, though, you could recognize the tune he was whistling- Sloppy Seconds, by, hmm… Watsky? You felt your heart wrench and swallowed hard. Jeez, he had this effect on you, and he wasn’t even talking to you! 

After a couple more moments you spent being supremely confused, a unfortunate smell wafted up to the nose. Burning. Your eyes widened as you really took in the eggs burning, turning shades of brown and black right under your nose. You swore and switched off the heat, lifting the pan as if it could stop the eggs from burning. Shit! The rustling that you hadn’t really registered behind you stopped, and headed your way.

“Joh- oh man.” Jade started, then stopped looking down at the pan of burnt eggs. Her lips pursed and she shook her head.

“Well, maybe we can use some of it?” She said, taking the pan’s handle from your guilty hands. You really hoped you hadn’t ruined breakfast. As Jade examined the eggs with the spoon, you became aware of someone looming behind you, and then a hand clapped down on your shoulder. Bro.

“Not the end of the mcfucking world, man. It will continue to spin, on its cursedly tilted axis. The oceans will not rise and the ice caps will not melt because you burned some eggs.” Bro’s deep voice said from behind you. You twisted your neck, a little painfully, to try to look up at his face. It didn’t really work, considering the fact you were not facing him, so you shrugged off his hand and turned around. Jesus. Did this man have any concept of personal space?

“Yeah, but they might if both my eggs and your bacon burn, man. You know how Jade is.” You said smugly, motioning behind him. His face morphed into one of panic as he twirled and rushed back to his stove, saving his bacon from the same fate yours had fallen victim to. He shot you a dirty look, but you shrugged. You did save his bacon, after all. You turned back to Jade, who had scavenged what could and threw out the rest.

“Well… no more cooking for you, John. Why don’t you go put some food out?” Jade said, rubbing at her chin. You nodded, picked up a couple of dishes, and headed into the dining room. Even his dining room was huge, you noted, but still covered in smuppets. You set the dishes down and headed back into the kitchen, ferrying dishes to and fro. It took four more trips to finish moving all the dishes, and you were tired and your hands were hot. You flopped down in a chair, arm over your eyes, and waited for the rest of the household to arrive.

You were only alone for a minute or two before you heard the sound of a chair being pulled out beside you. You lifted your arm a little and barely opened one eye. Bro. Of course. He had taken off his apron, leaving him in his Christmas sweater, which pictured two reindeer humping. Lovely. You sat up and elbowed him, and he opened his mouth to talk, eyebrows furrowed, but Dave walked in. He whistled at the pair of you, taking a seat next to you.

“Dude!” You whispered at him, embarrassed, while Bro chuckled. You proceeded to engage him a long conversation over text about how you and Bro totally were NOT an item while the rest of your friends and family filtered in the room. You thought you almost had him when Jade spoke from the head of the table, to your left.

“Everyone’s here, let’s dig in!” She said, motioning to the vast array of food. Everyone dug in, eager to eat the well-cooked food, as Bec whined and begged for scraps underneath the table. At one point you were sure Jade gave him, like, half of the bacon, but you were too engrossed in eating to really care. There wasn’t much conversation, and the time passed quickly. 

Before you knew it, you were dumping your plate and heading out to the living room. Jade had magically spread out boxes upon boxes of decorations while the lot of you weren’t looking. You opened one at random. It was filled with fragile-looking red, blue, and white spheres, with white tissue paper surrounding each one. The surface of each was slightly textured. Perfect. You lifted one out of the box and look towards the tree. It looked a little crowded other there, with everyone trying to place ornaments, so you decide to wait a moment for your turn, and looked around for Bro. You found him, sure enough- he was over near the stockings, suspiciously stuffing items inside. He donned a santa hat for the occasion, and was holding a red and white bag.

You made your way over to him, and tapped him on the shoulder. He snuck a look at you, holding a finger up to his lips. As if this was a secret. You mean, he was standing in plain site for goodness sake! You gave him an over exaggerated nod, and he gave you one thumbs-up before continuing his task. You looked back over to the tree, and, seeing a spot open, walked over and hung up your sphere. When you glanced over to your box, you realized Calliope and Roxy had claimed it as their own. You looked back over at Bro, and decided that maybe the others could handle decorating the tree. 

Bro looked about done, and ready to sneak away, but you walked over and got his attention by discreetly waving an arm. He spotted you, and motioned towards the kitchen, then stole off. You followed him, making a point to make sure nobody was watching.

When you arrived in the kitchen, Bro had put down his bag and taken out the flour. He was in the process of taking out the sugar, and you leaned against the counter, watching him. When he came up, he spotted you and grinned.

“Wondering what I was doin’, huh? Those sickass stockin’s don’t stuff themselves, y’know.” Bro said, putting the sugar down and resting a hand on his hip. You approached, surveying the flour and sugar, as well as the butter you hadn’t noticed before.

“I guess. But why did Jade choose you, of all people? Also. Why the baking supplies…?” You motioned to the busy counter. Bro lit up and began arranging the supplies, and getting more from the cabinets.

“What can I say? I make a ravishingly handsome santa, she just wasn’t able to control herself. As for the baking stuff, I’m making some sick cookies. Wanna help? It’s a little harder to burn these fuckers, I assure you.” Bro said, bringing down a bowl and pouring some ingredients in. You were honestly a little confused; despite your dad’s intense like of baked sweets, you really didn’t remember much about baking. You hopping up onto the counter and swung your legs back and forth.

“I’ll just watch.” You said, rolling onto your stomach and kicking your legs in the air. Bro looked at you curiously, then shrugged and kept mixing his ingredients. You did your part by biting you lip and fluttering your eyelashes whenever he looked at you. Alright. You had to admit you were trying to distract him, but that didn’t mean anything! You just wanted to make him mess you, you rationalized to yourself. Yeah. When Bro accidently dropped half of an eggshell into his bowl, you considered the endeavor a success. The spilt sugar was just icing on the cake. The extra vanilla extract, the sprinkles. As he clumsily put the cookies into the oven, you commended yourself on a quality prank. He turned around a little out of it, as you slid off the counter.

“I’m going to go see what Dave’s doing, later!” You called, exiting the kitchen. As you looked around the living room, you wondered what had driven you to do that prank, exactly. You just wanted to make him flustered, right? He seemed more affected than you thought he would be, though. You spotted Dave hanging a small record ornament, and headed towards him, that line of thought blown away like dust.

“Almost done, buddy?” You said, nudging him. He nodded, and you gazed up at the tree. It was huge, really, almost every branch filled with ornaments, lights, and candy canes. It was breathtaking, to be honest, and you felt your aspect pulling around you and playing with the ornaments, swinging them from side to side. Dave slung an arm over your shoulder and grinned at you.

“Pretty, ain’t it?” He said warmly. You nodded, looking around for the others. Most were filtering out of the room, wandering to their rooms or out to their cars. You turned to Dave and smiled.

“You thinking what I’m thinking?” You asked. Dave nodded and pulled you towards his room.

“Game marathon!”

 


	5. mario kart

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I wasn't aware Mario Kart was spelled with a K until recently, if you can believe it.

You had just settled in to Mario Kart when Dave spoke, abit nervously.

“Hey… John?” He asked, biting his lip. You glanced over, but his eyes were fixed squarely on the screen, so you did the same. You were a little worried.

“Yeah, Dave?” You returned, swerving to dodge an obstacle you almost missed. A beat, and then…

“Do you have a crush on Bro?” You jerked forward, your car swerving. You took a sharp breath, but you were speechless. What?

“I mean, it’s fine if you do! I just, uh, want to know. You know. Dude to dude.” Dave hastened, his voice a little weak. You swallowed. You totally didn’t! You mean, there was a tension but it was nothing.

“N-no, Dave! Where did this come from?” You answered, your palms sweating. Ah, shit. Dave took a deep breath.

“Just, the way you two have been acting around each other? Like, you’re alone with him a lot… But, like, if you don’t I’ll believe you.” He said, his eyes flickering between you and the screen. Hooooooly shit you felt guilty. So guilty. All of the guilt. Allllllll of it.

“Yeah… it’s nothing, dude, sorry.” You said, blowing air out. He nodded, and when you glanced over, he looked relieved. 

“Of course, of course. Great.” He said awkwardly. You two played in silence for a while, before he thunderbolt’ed you and won first place.

“You little!” You hissed at him, clutching your controller. And just like that, it was like the conversation never happen, apart from the slow, sinking feeling in the pit of your stomach. But you could ignore that.

…

It had been about 9 hours of concentrated gaming, give or take an half an hour for lunch and dinner, when you heard a loud groan from the door. You two were playing Mario Kart, and you glanced over, giving Dave the couple seconds he needed to pull ahead of you. You narrowed your eyes at Bro as Dave threw up his arms and hooted. Bro was leaned against the doorway, and projecting puppy eyes in your direction.

“Dude, you made me lose!” You whined, pointing an accusing finger towards him. “What do you want?”

Instead of answering, he walked over to you and plopped down in your lap. Your spine went rod-straight and your eyes widened as you looked at him. What?? You gasped and tried to push him out of your lap, but he held onto your waist.

“Johnnnnnnn don’t do this to me nowwwww. I thought we had a connectionnnnn earlier!” He whined. You felt your heart leap into your throat. OK, shit, ahhh, you have so many regrets. So damn many. You stopped trying to put the oversized man off your lap (damn strider genes) and relented.

“I mean, no, but whatever.” You said, leaning back against the bottom of Dave’s bed. Bro smirked triumphantly and caught the game controller Dave had launched at him, sending you an confused and concerned glance with it. Oh yeah. You tried to send him a ‘this is just his normal self we didn’t do anything I promise don’t hate me’ look at him, and he grudgingly accepted it. He joined the next Mario Cart round, playing perfectly, just like wasn’t sitting in your lap. Your performance, unfortunately, suffered. Bro’s handso- no, not handsome. UGLY face was just too distracting. You wouldn’t let him get to you, you assured yourself, as the next round started. To your dismay, you were wrong. You did let him get to you. He won that round, and the next, and the next. After winning five consecutive rounds, you and Dave were about done.

“Broooo, come onnn!” Dave whined from up on the bed, hanging over the edge to bat at Bro’s hair. Bro leaned out of reach and stuck his tongue out at Dave. What a child. During this exchange, your phone vibrated, and you checked it.

GB: come on down! were writing the lists!

You checked the time; it was 7. Wow, you had been engrossed in this for a while. You glanced up from your phone to see Bro and Dave fully engaged in a weird-face contest. Jesus.

“Guys, Jade just texted me. We gotta get downstairs.” You said, catching Bro off-guard and pushing him off your lap. You stood up and dusted off your lap, then left the two to continue their contest in peace.

Jade was waiting for you downstairs, but she seemed disappointed that the others weren’t with you. You shrugged and walked into the living room, where everyone was gathered. You waved at your Dad, then took a seat next to Rose.

“Still messing around up there, huh?” Rose asked, resting a hand on her chin. You nodded, and she chuckled.

“Of course.” She said, passing you a piece of paper and a pencil. “Write down your list here. Try to get a wide variety, if you can. I know your interests are… specific.” Rose said, wiggling her eyebrows at you. You blushed and turned your head pointedly. Why were all of your friends awful all the time?? You turned to your paper and thought. What did you want? Money, preferrably, but you weren’t daft enough to write that down. Hmm… You wrote down a couple of books you wanted, candy, hats, mittens, and socks. You had to be practical, now. After a moment, you also wrote down ‘stuff for pranks’. If one of your friends got you, they’d know, but if someone else got you they’d probably just ignore it. You nodded and folded up the list.

Breaking your vow of eternal silence towards Rose, you nudged her and asked, “I’m done, where do I put it?” Rose tapped her chin.

“I’m not sure, as the lady who would have the answer is still upstairs with my brothers.” Rose responded, twisting back to look towards the stairs. You shrugged and pulled out your phone.

EB: jade whats taking so long.

EB: jade?

GG: sorry i got a little distracted!

GG: we’re heading down now

Huh. Probably got caught up in gaming, you supposed. After a couple of moments, Jade stomped down the stairs with the Striders in tow. After getting them settled in (Dave next to Rose, Bro by your Dad) she gave them paper and pencils, then headed to the middle of the room.

“When you’re done, give me your paper! Then you’re free.” Jade said, her hands open and outstretched. You stood up and placed your folded-up paper in her hands, then turned on your heel and headed up to your room.

It was only 7, but you were tired. You quickly changed into your ghostbuster pajamas and flopped down on your bed, grabbing your book from the nightstand. Before long, you were off to dreamland.


	6. syrup and joanns

Next morning started off exactly how you thought it would- get up, shower, brush your teeth, get dressed, head downstairs. What you found downstairs was the real surprise of the morning.

Bro was cooking, but only a small pan, as far you could tell. Jade was nowhere to be seen. You hopped up onto a chair and cleared your throat. Bro glanced over and nodded at you.

“Hey, why are you cooking? Thought Jade left everyone on their own this morning.” You said, recalling a text you had gotten when you woke up.

GG: you guys are on your own this morning! i need to get some stuff, so i tasked roxy with handing out the lists! have fun shopping!

You hadn’t seen Roxy yet that morning; she was probably in the basement playing video games, or something, you figured. Bro shrugged, and flipped the pancake he was making in the air. Showoff.

“Can’t batter make some sweet lovin’ with this here pan of mine without it being a huge dealio?” He said, a little whiningly. You took a deep breath in, then one out. You were not sure if it was within his power to be serious for any significant length of time.

“I mean, sure. But why are you cooking, specifically? Cereal would be easier.” You inquired, trying to sneak a peek at the stove from your position of sitting down behind him and across a counter. On second thought, he had more than one pan. One was for making pancakes, and one for bacon. To his left sat a plate already piled up with a ton of pancakes. “Are you seriously going to eat all of those pancakes? That’s a ton, man.” You finished, biting at your lip. You counted two, four… eight? decently sized pancakes. Bro snorted, flipping another pancake.

“Nah. You’re going to have some too, Egbert.” Bro said nonchalantly, adding the last pancake to the stack and cranking the heat off. You blinked, then tilted your head, resting your chin on your hand.

“Errr….” You began, but Bro turned around and placed down your plate before you could speak. Well. Alright. You weren’t complaining, you guessed. You picked up the syrup (when had it gotten right next to you?) and dug in. Wow. These pancakes were the best you’ve ever tasted. You dug it, and were about halfway done, sticky-sweet syrup dripping down your chin and another piece speared on your fork, when you realized Bro was staring at you in this distant, sort of distracted way. His eyes were soft, and he looked the youngest you had ever seen him. You didn’t know where his glasses had gone; had you even seen them on him this morning? You almost didn’t want to break this reverie of his, but the urge to figure out why he was looking at you like that (and god, why it made your heart feel like that, jesus) was too strong. You swallowed, the syrup almost getting stuck in your throat, and spoke.

“Earth to Bro…?” You half-whispered, waving a hand in front of his face. He snapped to attention and leaned back, his eyes rapidly losing the emotion you had seen in them earlier.

“I need to leave.” Bro said, flash-stepping out of the room. You stared after him, befuddled. That certainly was an… experience. You finished off the rest of your pancakes, thinking, but your mind was a mess. You couldn’t come to any solid conclusions, so you decided to ignore it altogether. It seemed like a great idea.

You dumped your dishes into the sink and walked out of the kitchen, into the living room. Dave was lounging on the couch, but jumped up once he saw you.

“Hey, Egbert. Roxy gave me Bro’s list, why didn’t you tell me you had him? I know all sorts of rad shit to get the fucker.” Dave said, sauntering over to you and holding out the paper. You blushed guilty, and took the paper.

“I wanted a little relief from your assured semi-constant teasing.” You said, opening up the paper. It read:

Bro’s Sicknasty X-mas List

Stuffing (the good shit)

Chinese takeout gift cards

Old My Little Pony figurines

Hair gel

Wow, what an… extensive list. Dave snorted and walked around you to lean over your shoulder.

“That’s not a lot to choose from. How am I supposed to find My Little Pony stuff? That was… a long time ago.” You sighed, pointing to the third item on his list. Dave shrugged.

“Hell if I know. Bro collects shit like that, although it’s as hard as hell to find.” Dave said, tilting his head. You rolled your eyes.

“Thanks, buddy, you’re so much help.” You said. Dave shrugged again and wrapped his arm around your shoulders, leading you out towards the garage.

“Well, we can go lookin’, can’t we? Have the whole day free, after all, and I just need Joann’s.” He said, throwing open the door. You shivered and shrugged free of his arm, and got to work putting on your winter gear. Not all of you were incapable of feeling the cold like Striders, after all. First were your black boots, then your plaid scarf, your blue jacket, your red mittens, and your red hat. Dave looked almost offended by the sheer amount of clothings you were wearing, but you just smiled. He would be cold soon enough, and you wouldn’t.

…

Dave lasted about halfway to the local Joann’s (Consumerism always wins, you guessed; one of the first businesses re-established was Joann’s, constantly in competition with Grubber Fabrics. You would go there, but didn’t have yarn.) before he started visibly shivering. About five minutes after, rocking. Then the complaining begun.

“I’m cold.”

“What do you want me to do about it, Dave.”

“Give me your jacket.”

“No! Dude.”

“At least your hat.

“You should’ve put on more clothing before we left.

“No. Please? Your gloves?”

“No.”

“Pleaseeeeee?”

“No.”

“Pleaseeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee?”

“Fine!” You shouted, and ripped off your gloves. You tossed them into his lap, and he quickly slid them on, looking pleased with himself. You knew this was going to happen. You should have just let him suffer, you berated yourself as Dave pulled into the Joann’s. You slid out of the car, almost slipped on the icy ground, and came around the car to meet Dave. He had began shivering again, eyeing your jacket, but you kept your jacket to yourself. He could stand to suffer a little bit.

Upon entering the store, the two of you parted ways to get gifts for your respective giftees. When you reached the stuffing section of the store, however, you found yourself confounded. Bro wanted ‘the good shit’, but you honestly just did not have an idea of what that was. You clicked on your phone and flipped through your contacts. Well, you weren’t really supposed to talk about your giftee to anyone of the other group, but…. Rose was probably your best bet.

EB: rose?

TT: Yes, John? What is it?

EB: do you know what stuffing is good.

TT: And what might this be for?

TT: I suppose it’s for a gift? You aren’t supposed to talk to our group about gifts, you naughty boy.

EB: rose, i am uncomfortable.

EB: why? why do you do this.

TT: You know, I just must. I drive myself to do this. How tragic.

EB: please, rose, the stuffing. i’m desperate here.

TT: How desperate?

EB: rose…….

TT: Fine, fine.

She then proceeds to tell you the best brand of stuffing, ‘In my own personal experience, of course”, and you quickly spot it and grab a bag.

EB: thanks rose! you’re the best :B

TT: Am I now.

EB: i have to go now, but good luck with your match!

TT: Yes, of course. Thanks, John.

You tucked your phone away, and headed for the back, stuffing back in tow. Dave was sitting in the section with wooden signs with sayings on them, so you dropped the bag into his cart (which had an obscene amount of yarn in it) and hip-bumped him. He made a little noise and went back to surveying the signs. He chose a couple, seemingly at random. You read them as he stored them in his cart, “Eat, Drink, and Be Scary”; “THE BEST PRESENT AROUND THE CHRISTMAS TREE IS THE PRESENCE OF FAMILY WRAPPED IN LOVE”; “Be a pineapple- stand tall, wear a crown, and be sweet on the inside”; and a “Word of the Day” piece with an area for something to be written in chalk. What a shame. Kanaya would love them, but Rose… You shook your head at Dave. He knew not what he started. His ironic mockery of these pieces of wall art would throw him into an endless mind battle with Rose he was destined to lose. You felt bad for him.

“All done!” He declared, the last wall art piece placed in his cart. He narrowed his eyes at your stuffing and motioned to it. “I’m not paying for this, buddy. Unlike Bro, I’m not loaded.”

“I mean, I understand, I wasn’t going to make you pay for this, but it’s like six dollars?” You said, bewildered, as you removed the bag of stuffing. Dave tsked and pushed the cart out of the aisle.

“You see, you think too much about the monetary cost. Have you, for just a moment, considered the cost to your eternal soul?” Dave questioned, raising an eyebrow at you. What?

“No, Dave, I don’t? What?” You were so confused, but Dave just nodded solemnly.

“Think about it this way- if you get Bro that stuffing, what will happen next? You will find yourself buying him fabric, thread, the whole works. Soon enough, your pretty little head will just be a smuppet making machine, tied to a sewing machine like a monkey to its banana, like a bird to its nest. You will try to break away from the death-grip of puppet ass, but you will be unable to. It will just grip you harder with its sweaty, greasy, old man hands, and make you work harder and faster. There will be no escape.” You two had reached the line for the register, and were standing in line. People were staring. Dave was beginning to wander into another metaphor. You needed to stop this.

“Maybe I _want_ the puppet ass.” Ding-dong, Egbert, wrong thing to say. Dave turned to you, his eyes blown wide.

“You promiseeeeeeeed!” He fake-cried, hanging onto you. You were attracting even more stares now, and a couple of evil-looking old ladies and trolls were whispering. Shit. You tried to pull Dave off of you, but he wouldn’t relent.

“Dude, stop! Come’on…” You whispered to him, ducking your head. He looked up at you evilly, his mouth stretched into a conspiratorial grin.

“If you give me your coat I’ll stop.” He whispered back.

“What! No way.” You said softly. His cry increased incrementally in volume, not that loud quite yet but full of things to come. God…

“Fine, fine, take it.” You hissed, shoving the offending garment onto him. His fake-crys stopped immediately, to your relief, and he shrugged on the coat. It hung awkwardly on his tall frame, but it would do. The next cashier opened up, and you snatched your bag of stuffing out of his cart, giving him a stink-eye as he rolled it up his cashier. What a baby, you thought, hugging the stuffing to your chest. You had to give him some credit, though- what a lead up. He must have been planning that for a while. You were still sort of irked, though. After checking out (awkwardly) you walked out with Dave in silence, glaring at him silently. Once you hit outside, though…

“Jesus!” You whimpered, the ice-cold air assaulting your senses. Dave sidled up beside you and blinked innocently.

“Why, John, you should have brought a coat!” He said, sounding awfully like Rose in terms of voice inflection. You flattened your mouth and stuck your tongue out at him. When you reached the car and popped up the back hood, however, you were met with a surprise. A jacket. You turned to Dave to question him, but were met with your jacket.

“Dave!” You yelled, tossing the bag of stuffing into the car and shrugged into your coat, “You had a coat in there the whole time??”

“Yeah, I just wanted to see you squirm. Good prank, huh?” Dave said, his face pleased. You grumbled and hit his shoulder, but you couldn’t argue. It was. You supposed this was his very late revenge to the shaving cream incident at Ikea…

You slid into the car and buckled your seatbelt. Dave did the same, then took out a hastily-scrawled list out of his pocket. He smoothed it against the dashboard and motioned to the first store on the list, ‘Dersite Digs’.

“Here’s a list of some local second-hand stores, maybe we’ll find something there?” Dave said. You nodded, and he backed up the car to get going. Hopefully this wouldn’t take long.


	7. regret

You’d think, with all this wishful thinking of yours, maybe ONE thing would be easy and smooth sailing. No luck, you thought, as you exited the fifteenth second-hand store you had visited that day. You were starting to get a little frustrated. Well. A little. You looked over at Dave, who looked dead inside as he surveyed the list he had made. Maybe a little more than a little.

“Well, we have one more fucking store. Barkbeast Briggs. Let’s hope some random My Little Pony shit is there, or we’re stopping.” He said, sliding into his car. You slide in as well, and nodded. You really wanted to find this silly toy for Bro, but you weren’t sacrificing your sanity for it. As it was… you glanced at the clock. It was already 9. You had stopped for a quick lunch and dinner, but they weren’t the most filling things, and fatigue was already beginning to creep in.

You slipped in and out of sleep on the way to the secondhand store. Dave, unfortunately, didn’t have that privilege; he wasn’t fond of self-driving cars, and so he had bought a normal one. Not that he was supposed to sleep in it anyways, you thought to yourself as you exited the car. Despite troll, human, and carapacian companies working for quite a while, it wasn’t considered acceptable quite yet. You were almost to the entrance of the store when you realized Dave wasn’t with you, and glanced back. He was still seated inside the car, and waved at you to go on in. You shrugged, and pushed your way inside.

The interior of the store was mostly wood, including the floor and walls. Homely, but prone to flame. You spotted a troll cashier up front and gave him a little wave, which he returned. You looked around, and spotted an old toys section all the way in the back, to the left. It was sort of hard to see, so you hoped you were right. After a couple minutes of wading through clothes, dodging hipsters, and incurring weird looks, you finally made it. Your eyes searched the rows. And you saw It.

The My Little Pony Mimic ‘twinkled-eyed’ toy.

You had never felt such relief in your life.

You snatched the toy off the self and examined it. It looked very old and somewhat dirty-the packaging was yellowed, the card itself encrusted with dirt and dust. It must had been dug up somewhere. You didn’t really care, honestly. It was good enough. You waded through clothing once more, and put the toy down on the counter. The troll raised an eyebrow at you.

“Sure you want that? Some kid brought it in yesterday, says he found it in his backyard.” The tealblood said, tilting his head. You nodded firmly, and he shrugged.

“Alright, I guess. How about a dollar?” He hummed boredly. You quickly removed a dollar from your wallet and slid it over.

“Want a bag?” He asked. You shook your head, and grabbed your toy.

“Have a nice evening, then.” He said. You returned the sentiment and rushed out to the car, toy held above your head like a victory medal. You almost jumped into the car and shoved it in Dave’s face.

“HEY!! LOOK!!” You yelled. Dave shocked awake, eyes open wide, glasses askew.

“Dude! Chill!” He yelled back, scrambling to right himself. After a couple a moment of getting his bearings, he noticed the toy a couple inches from his nose and grinnned, holding his fist out for a fistbump, which you gave him.

“Neato, dude. Let’s go home.” He said. You pulled the toy from his face and settled back into your warm seat, hugging it close. You were so happy you found it. You weren’t sure if all this effort was worth it, but if Bro liked it… You felt your heart clench and bit your lip, glancing sideways at Dave. You had answered so firmly last night to Dave’s question, but now… you weren’t so sure. You weren’t in _love_ with him, gods no, but there was something. You almost felt you were hiding something from him by keeping it to yourself, but there was no way you were going to tell him when you were so unsure of your own feelings. You looked down at the pony, trying to figure out your heart, but the pony gave you no answers. If anything, it just asked more.

…

You and Dave didn’t really talk on the way back, or when you got out of the car. It was companionable, tired silence. You got your items, and the both of you quietly waited to the door into the house. He opened it, and both of you went in together. Jade was waiting in the living room, surrounded by wrapping paper, tape, ribbon, and bows. She perked up when she saw you.

“Hey! Dave, John! I brought out some wrapping stuff!” She said, her hands clasped together. You walked over and plopped down next to her, putting your stuff in your lap. Dave walked over, as well, and sat down near your feet.

“Thanks, Jade!” You said, grinning. She smiled back and picked up her phone. You got to work wrapping the stuffing first. Which wrapping papers to use… out of all of your choices (presents, penguins, bows, and christmas trees) you thought Bro would probably appreciate bows the most. Of course, thinking about what Bro would like brought up things you just really didn’t want to think about, so you tried to wrap mindlessly. It worked, until you were about halfway done with wrapping the old pony, when you felt something under your butt when you shifted. You reached down and tried to pull it out, and came back with a blue smuppet.

You swallowed, and stared at the smuppet. Bro… You just didn’t know what to think, or feel, about him. It was like someone had put all your nicely labeled feelings into a blender, and given them back to you, all mixed up and hard to describe. You liked him… and you wanted him to like you. But why? As you stared into the blue smuppets’ eternal eyes, you felt your a tear roll down your cheek, then two. Before you knew it, you were sobbing in Dave’s arms, to the concern of him and Jade.

“What’s up dude? Serious, what’s wrong?” Dave asked, his voice heavy with worry. The thought of your feelings and how they related to Dave just made you cry harder, your chest heavy and your mind dark. It was a couple minutes before you got a hold of yourself, and you pulled away, mildly embarrassed and not wanting to talk about it. As you rubbed at your eyes, Jade hummed softly and put her hand on your arm.

“John, you have to tell us what’s wrong.” Jade said softly. Dave nodded, “We want to help you.” You bit your lip guiltily, and shook your head.

“Guys… I appreciate it, I really do, but I need to deal with this alone.” You wanted to tell them, so bad… but what would they think of you? It was much better to just ignore it. There wasn’t a problem if you believed hard enough, right? You nodded firmly, glancing between the two of them. Dave ran a hand through his hair and blew out a breath, clearly stressed, while Jade bit her nails.

“If… if you say so, John.” Jade said tentatively. Dave blew more air of his mouth (what, was he trying to steal your aspect??) and nodded as well.

“Fine. But John, I swear to god… tell us if it’s serious, alright?” Dave said, his mouth tight. You felt awful, but it was too late to tell them now. You smiled weakly and nodded, standing up. They stared after you, suspicious, but you just shrugged.

“I need to go upstairs now!” You said. Jade nodded, picking up the half-wrapped pony.

“Of course… I’ll finish wrapping this for you, I guess.” Jade said, looking down at the pony a bit sadly. You felt your heart wrench in guilt and swallowed, waving quickly before rushing up the stairs. You hurried into your room and shut the door, sliding down it. You buried your face in your hands and tried to ride out these confused feelings. You felt yourself cry again, and let it out. It was going to be a long night, wasn’t it?

…

When you finally got your emotions under control, it was so late you could barely see without the light on. You slowly got up, your chest hollow and your legs shaky. This was ridiculous, why were you so upset? You pushed down your rising feelings and flipped on the light. The room was illuminated in a soft light. You numbly got changed, brushed your teeth, turned off the light, and flopped into bed.

After what you estimated to be an eternity (but was probably just an hour) of listlessly lying in bed, you decided that you probably weren’t going to sleep that night, on account of your restless mind. You slipped out of bed, clad in your ghostbuster boxers and a similar t-shirt, and walked over the door. You rested your ear against it, and strained to hear anything beyond the wooden barrier. Upon hearing nothing, you decided it was a good idea to get a midnight (what time was it again? You didn’t really feel like checking.) snack. You quietly opened the door, the noise muffled by the expensive carpet, and tip-toed downstairs. The living room was dark and silent, and you hoped the kitchen would be, as well. To your dismay, though, it wasn’t. You could spy light from underneath the door. Well, hopefully it would be Dirk, maybe Jake. You could handle that.

To your eternal dismay, it was Bro. As you stood in the doorway, Bro facing away from you, head in the fridge, you courted with the idea of running away. Bro, however, made the decision for you.

“Hey, why’re you up so late?” He asked, swinging his head up. In his right hand, he held a jar of pickles; his left, a jug of milk. The milk mustache around his mouth betrayed his deeds. You couldn’t help but chuckle, and walked forward.

“Ewwww, dude! The real question is, why are you drinking from the milk carton? Have you ever heard of a glass?” You asked, swinging yourself up on a chair. You took in the pickle jar, and slowly your mouth fell open. “Dude??? Milk with pickles??? That is disgusting.” You said, recoiling in shock. Bro shook his head, standing up and shutting the fridge door with his foot.

“No, it isn’t. Have you tried it? Don’t knock it till you’ve tried it, kiddo.” He said, sitting down across from you. You thought of this morning, with his weird behavior, but ignored it. Everything was fine, lalalala.

“I have! It’s gross, the pickle juice does something to the milk.” You said, scrunching up your nose with disgust. God, gross!! Bro got a mischievous look in his eyes, and started lifting the two items near your face. Your eyes widened, and you leaned back, trying to scramble away. You were out of the chair and halfway across the kitchen when he vaulted the table (what???) and ran towards you. He was laughing, and you couldn’t help but join in as he chased you around the table. Unfortunately, he was faster than you, and caught up, trapping you in a corner. He loomed over you, chuckling at he waved the objects in your face. You giggled and put your hands up, pushing them away. He inched closer, trying to put the milk and pickles jar near your mouth, but you kept giggling and pushing them away half-heartedly. Your eyes had closed, aimed slightly downwards, but when his attack lessened, you opened your eyes and looked up.

He was inches away from you, his eyes open wide, his pupils dilated. His lips were centimeters from yours, plush and soft, and…. you couldn’t resist, you guessed. You leaned forward and kissed him.

The kiss itself was a little awkward, your head not-quite tilted enough, his lips unresponding underneath yours, but it felt like a weight had been released off of your chest. Your eyes were screwed shut, your anxiety shot through the roof. After a moment of nothing, his lips began to move, respond to yours, and it felt like another weight had been lifted. You stepped forward and grabbed his collar, pulling him down further. For his part, he tried to hold your waist, but he was sort of stopped by the milk and pickles. He tasted, you noted, like milk and pickles- it was, to be honestly, mildly repulsive, but worth it. You swallowed nervously and attacked his lips with a renewed fury, tugging and biting at them, your arms coming up to circle his neck.

Bro seemed surprised by you, but not displeased, if the small noise that slipped past his lips was anything to go by. You were running on pure instinct, pulling his closer and claiming him as your own, unable to think straight. The only thing running through your mind was the fact that you two were here, now, and nothing could stop you.

But you had to break away, eventually, to breath. Your eyelids fluttered open, and you took in Bro. His lips looked bruised, his breath came fast, and the look in his eyes terrified you. It was so full of love, but you… you were scared. Anxiety hit you like a ton of bricks, slamming down on your chest so hard you couldn’t breath. You gasped and ducked under one of his arms, sprinting to the door.

“J-John?” You heard a voice call, distantly, behind you, but you were long gone. You rushed up the stairs, scrambled into your room, and locked the door. You also felt your way over to the bathroom door and that locked that one too, for good measure, your hands shaking all the while. You dove into bed and pulled the covers over yourself, your breath coming quick and short. What had you done? What were you thinking? All that filled your mind was panic, like you couldn’t breath. After calming down a marginal amount, you texted the first number that came up in your contacts- Rose.

EB: rose rose rose!

You only had a wait a moment for a reply.

TT: It’s late, John.

TT: What is it?

EB: i just made a HUGE mistake, rose.

EB: one i don’t think i can take back.

EB: what do i do??

TT: Why are you making mistakes this late at night?

TT: Regardless, I’m not sure if I’ll be much help, if you’re not going to tell me more.

EB: rose please, i’m lost and i don’t know what to do but i can’t tell you!

EB: i just can’t.

TT: Well, alright, I’ll do my best.

TT: John, if this is mistake you can apologize for, I’d recommend that.

TT: If not…

TT: Follow your heart. What would make you and the other person the most content about this situation?

TT: Do that if you can.

TT: There’s not much else I can say, unfortunately.

You sighed, curling closer to your phone.

EB: thanks, rose.

TT: Of course, John. Anytime, I promise you, despite my complaints.

EB: night, rose.

TT: Goodnight, John.

You shut off your phone and rolled onto your stomach, calmer but still unsure of what to do. You’d figure it out in the morning, you guessed, putting your phone on your side table. You slowly drifted asleep, your dreams composed of fragments of memories of Bro.


	8. talk about it

You woke up with a feeling of dread in your stomach, and a whole day of it to look forward to. You slowly got dressed, and carefully listened for any sign of Bro before rushing in to quickly brush your teeth. When you finished, you locked the door and stood in the middle of your room, nervous. You didn’t really want to go downstairs and face your friends, but you knew you had to. You opened the door and looked down the hallway. Empty. You crept down the stairs, and were surprised to find the living room devoid of people. You flopped down on the couch and checked the time. It was 7. You strained for any sign of human life, and heard the distant sound of laugh and conversation floating over from the dining room. They must be eating breakfast, you thought. It’s not like you wanted any.

You dowsed in and out of sleep, until Jade entered the living room. You looked over and gave her a little wave, sitting up. She gave you a sympathetic look and sat down next to you.

“You feeling alright, John?” She asked, and you nodded. It wasn’t a lie- you were. As soon as you saw Bro, you probably would go back to feeling awful, but for now? You felt fine. Her mouth stretched into a grin, and she looked pleased.

“Good, good! We’re going to start the gift exchange soon, so you’re here just in time.” Jade said, motioning to the tree. That sort of made your stomach clench, but you ignored the feeling the best you could.

“Sounds great!” You smiled, leaning back nonchalantly against the couch. You and Jade made some small talk while the rest of the group filed in, including Bro. To your credit, you were pretty good at ignoring him and acting like nothing at all had happened. He looked a little confused, but seemed to take it in stride. Rose’s advice filled your head, but you just didn’t want to think about it. It was better if you didn’t. Jade got up to speak, and Rose gave you a Look, but you couldn’t make eye contact. She seemed patient, though.

“Hey, everyone! The day of the gift exchange is finally among us!” Jade said, grinning happily out at the crowd and bouncing on the balls of her feet. She waved her hands at the presents sitting under the tree. Each one was wrapped in festive paper, topped with a red or green bow. You could spot your items near the back, the stuffing obvious and the other items wrapped neatly and a little harder to guess.

“First are the stockings!” Jade said, handing them out. You got a couple of boxes of candy, some chapsticks, and some cute christmas ornaments. You grinned at Jade, setting the items beside you.

“Now that we got that out of the way, here’s how this will go down. I’ll call out names of the giftee, they’ll open their present, and the gifter will be revealed. Sound good?” She asked, and everyone nodded and hummed their ascent.

“Good. Let’s start with… Dave!” She said, and searched through the pile of gifts, looking for Dave’s. After a moment, she pulled out some suspiciously circle-shaped presents. You glanced over and saw Dave’s smile widen as she dropped them onto his lap. He quickly dug into them, pulling free a couple of old-looking records.

“Woah!” He said, his eyes widening with joy. You felt good for him- it seemed like he got what he wanted. His eyes searched the couches, scanning. Jake gave him a little wave, blushing.

“I had you!” He called out. Dave jumped up and rushed over, pulling Jake into a strong hug. Jake looked surprised, but not displeased.

“Wheredidyoufindtheseohmygoshthankssomuch!!” Dave said, breathlessly. Jake just nodded as Dave blubbered happily. After a couple of moments, they separated, Dave a little embarrassed but still etastic. When he sat back down, Jade stepped forward to introduce the next giftee.

It went pretty smoothly from that point on, as Jade got though roughly half of the gifts; Rose was pleased with her yarn and seemed to already be making plans to return the favor of the signs; Calliope loved the cute sweaters Mom got her; Dirk seemed surprised, but pleased, about the sheer amount of the hair gel Jade got him; Dad got Roxy a lot of cat food and cat toys, which she was quite excited by; Grandpa was happy to find some new shotguns in his present from Kanaya; and Jake was incredibly pleased by the mirade of the booty shorts he received from Grandpa (it was obvious Grandpa had been assisted by Jade and Dirk in this endeavor). You were beginning to get a little nervous and fidgety. Any moment now, Bro would be called…

“Bro’s up next!” Jade trilled, searching under the tree. God, your luck. You supposed it would have to happen sooner or later, though. She found the items and tossed them onto Bro’s lap. He looked pleased at larger object (the stuffing) but confused about the smaller one. He ripped into the stuffing, first.

“Neato, this _is_ the good shit! Good choice.” He hummed, examining the packaging. You felt happy, despite yourself. You were glad he liked it. Next, he slowly ripped out the packaging on the pony, his eyes widening and his jaw dropping.

“T-this… is…” He gasped, hugging it to his chest. You blinked a couple times, confused. What was the big deal? It was just some old pony…

“Who had me? Who had me?” He asked, his words coming quick and excited. You raised your hand, slowly, your heart pounding. Bro zoomed in on your and rushed over, grabbing you up for a bear hug, twirling you in a circle. He placed you back down, and you felt a little dizzy, but excited for him. You didn’t really mind, after all. He did smell good.

“This is, like, one of the rarest ponies! Even before the end of the world!” He said, his mouth stretched the widest you’ve ever seen it. His excitement was contagious, and you found yourself hyping up a bit.

“Wow, I didn’t know that!” You said, eyes open wide and innocent. You two were close, so close again. It was him who took the initiative this time, swooping down to capture his lips with his own. You were shocked, but felt your resolve melting, pressing back into him. He seemed encouraged and pulled you closer, but was then reality kicked in. Your eyes flew back open, and you broke away. Bro immediately pulled back and out of your face, his eyes wide and confused. You gritted your teeth and stepped away, tears forming at the edge of your eyes, which were aimed down.

“J-john? What did I do wrong? Are you okay?” Bro asked, his voice soft and concerned. You looked up into his soft eyes and it took all you could muster not to burst out into tears.

“Nothing, I…. I’m so sorry.” You said, your voice shaky, before absconding up the stairs and into your room. You slammed the door shut behind you, trying to block out the voices that started up downstairs, concerned and calling after you. You collapsed and sat still. You were so confused. After a minute or two, you heard a soft knock at the door. Bro, probably. You sat up and wiped at your eyes. Better get this over with.

“Come in…” You said softly. Bro entered, his eyes lowered, walking slowly. He plopped down in the front of you.

“John… talk to me, buddy, what’s going on?” His smooth voice infuriated you, it made you _feel_ , but he was trying, so you would too. You looked up and met his eyes- he had taken off his glasses.

“Bro, I…” You trailed off, looking to the side and biting your lip. You weren’t sure if you could make the words come out. Bro was patient, thought, and waited for you to gather your thoughts.

“Bro, I… Like you.” You finally said, your voice low and soft. Bro chuckled a bit, and your eyes flipped back to his, furious.

“Ah, no, I’m not laughing at you… I like you too, Egbert. What’s wrong with that?” Bro murmured, his eyes fixed on yours, full of possibilities. You shook your head, drooping.

“Bro… You’re Dave’s brother? What will he think. What will they all think? You’re so old…” You moaned, burying your face in your hands. You felt a light touch on your shoulder, and you shifted towards Bro. He took you in his arms and let you sob it out for what felt like the thousandth time this week. When you finished, you pulled away a little and looked at up at his face, expecting disappointment. To your surprise, all you found was sympathy and… a little hope, if you looked hard enough.

“John, I mean…” He trailed off, lost in thought, before continuing, “John, I really love you, if I’m being completely honest here.” You gasped, your eyes wide in shock, but he rushed on. “It’s not like I think everything is going to be all awesome right off the bat- Dave will probably freak, and I’m not sure about the others. If this really bothers you, we don’t have to do anything… we can pretend nothing ever happened here.” Bro’s voice got a little tight, his eyes a little red, but he went on, “But I think what we’ve got here is worth a shot, y’know? I mean, if you don’t, that’s fine… but I do.” Bro said, clearly trying to finish strong, but his voice petered out at the end. Oh, god. You mean, you wanted to try it. Whatever you guys had was good, you thought. But the thought terrified you. But… you had to try.

“Bro, I, yes.” You said, looking up at him. He blinked and tilted his head.

“Yes, what?” He said, furrowed his brows in mock-confusion, but you could see relief in his eyes. You narrowed your eyes and shoving at his chest. Even now??

“Yes, Bro, I will date you and try out whatever weird tension we have! Happy?” You asked, a little irked. He grinned, brushing your noses together.

“Yes, Egbert. That makes me very happy.” He whispered. You leaned up, and the third time in a twenty-four hour period, kissed him. You had no reservations this time. Neither did he, by the way you two were kissing. It was a couple minutes before you two finished, and when you pulled back your face was flushed and your glasses smudged and askew. To your chagrin, Bro looked flawless other than a matching blush. He looked amused at your state of disarray, though.

“Oh, shut up!” You muttered, cleaning your glasses with your shirt. He plucked them from your hands, though, and you looked up at him with your eyes narrowed.

“Let me~” Bro said, biting his lip enticingly as he used his own shirt to clean your glasses. When he gave them back, though, they were still smudged.

“Dude, your shirt isn’t the right material.” You said, rubbing at them again. He looked a little downcast, but you just rolled your eyes. You popped the glasses back on your head, clear as could be, and looked towards the door. Your heart sank a little.

“We… should probably get out there, huh? My friends are probably worried sick.” You mused aloud. You checked your phone and, sure enough, it was blowing up with messages. You tucked your phone into your pocket, messages unread. They would only stress you out, really. You stood up and turned to Bro, offered him your hand. He used it to stand up, and held it firmly. You swallowed and looked towards the door again.

“You ready?” Bro asked, a slight smiling dancing on his face. You nodded.

“As I’ll ever be.”


	9. separation

The first person you saw, right at the bottom of the stairs, was Dave, to your dismay. He saw the two of you walk down, holding hands, and buried his face in his hands.

“Johnnnnnnnnnnnnnn you promised! You promised you didn’t like Bro’s puppet asssss! Dude. How could you do this to meeee?” Dave whined, his voice low. You rolled your eyes and elbowed him, still holding onto Bro with your left hand.

“Y’know, I didn’t know then, okay? It wasn’t lying if I thought it was the truth.” You said. His eyes peeked out from between his fingers.

“I guessss. But seriously? My bro? Of all people? Why?” He asked, removing his hands from his face. He seemed to seriously looking for an answer, so you decided to try to give him one.

“His… puppet ass? Yeah.” You said, smirking a bit. Dave rolled his eyes, and Bro looked hurt.

“I can’t believe you’re only with me for my puppet butt, I’m so upset.” Bro said, turning his nose up. Your eyes turned mock-pleading, and you tugged on Bro’s arm.

“Baby, forgive me, I didn’t mean it!” You begged. Dave was not amused.

“Haha, I get it, this is a joke, wooo.” He said, shaking his hands. You turned back to him, and shrugged.

“Sorry man, I just… Dunno. Little anxious here, as you can imagine.” You said, rubbing at your arm. Your left hand was still intertwined with Bro’s, and he gave you an encouraging squeeze. Dave sighed, and looked off the to side.

“I get that, I guess. It’s just, strange to me, y’know? It’s hard for me, too.” Dave swallowed, his eyes pricking up with tears. You nodded and touched his shoulder.

“I know. I honestly didn’t know until recently… but it’s what I want.” You said firmly. Dave nodded and let out a breath.

“Well, alright. I’m not going to be the one to stand in your way.” Dave said, stepping back so you could enter the living room. John chanced a glance at Bro. His mouth was set, but he looked happy. You nodded at each other, then proceeded down the hallway into the living room.

Jade was the first to spot you two, and after a moment of shock, began giggling. It seemed infectious, and spread across the room before you could process it. You stumbled back, trying to understand. What was funny? Were they making fun of you? Before you could really understand, your Dad was standing next to you and patting you on the back.

“Glad you finally manned up and talked it out, son!” Dad said, smiling at he patted your shoulder proudly. “I’m so proud!” What? Did he… know? How? You literally just figured it out!

“Not all of us were as obvious at Dave, John.” Jade said, pulling your attention back to the sea of faces. Some were happy, some were bored, but none were disgusted, to your relief. You looked up at Jade and furrowed your brow.

“But I just…?” You held up your right hand, confused. A quick sidelong glance confirmed your suspicions- Bro was just as confused as you were. Jade rolled her eyes, her hands on her hips.

“Jeez, both of you? You guys…” She tsked and walked towards you, enveloping you in a warm hug. In the process, your grip on Bro’s hand loosened, and he pulled away. You opened your eyes to see Rose dragging him off, a mischievous look in her eyes. It didn’t bode well for Bro, but she was out of your sight before you could say anything. You looked back to Jade, and her face clearly showed it was part of her hugging plan. Ah. Well. It was bound to happen sooner or later. You were still confused though… how did they know? Jade sat you down on a couch and the present-giving kept going, but the thought haunted you. Seriously? You were that oblivious?

“Well… all that’s left is John’s!” Jade said, drawing you out of your reverie. You perked up and looked forward. Jade dropped the present in your lap, and you ripped it open. It contained an orange mitten-and-hat set, blue socks, some shitty off-brand candy, and many containers full of glitter. So much glitter. Vials and little sealed bowls and a shoebox-shaped container. So much. You blinked, and set the mittens, hat, and socks to the side, and the eyed the glitter. It would be perfect for so many pranks. You were infinitely pleased. You looked up and at Jade, then glanced around. Nobody was raising their hands, or saying they did it.

“Jade?” You questioned, tilting your head. She shrugged, and it was then Bro and Rose returned. Rose looked very pleased, while Bro looked a little out of it. He spotted you, thought, and bounced over and sat down.

“You opened my present to you! Like it?” He asked eagerly.

“Yeah, it’s great!” You said, grinning widely at him. You then looked over at Jade, though, and narrowed your eyes. “Jade, why do we have each other?” You asked. It seemed to dawn on Bro, as well, and he looked confused. Jade looked a little like a deer in the headlights.

“Um, well, uh-” She was cut off by Rose.

“She pleads the fifth.” Rose said. Your mouth gaped open.

“Rose, this is not a trial!” You said, indignant.

“John, life is a series of trials.” Rose declared seriously. You raised your shoulders and your hands, ready to throw a comeback, but Bro rested a hand on your shoulder.

“I think it is… best not to question Lalonde.” Bro said, averting his eyes. Ah. She had struck fear into his heart. You nodded seriously, but you were plotting how to get back at her. Perhaps you could help Dave deliver a devastating blow in their little contest…

“Well!” Jade said, drawing your attention. “I have cookies set out in the dining room, let’s eat!” There was a lot of rustling as everyone stood up, and you did the same, looking back to Bro. He stood up and offered his hand to you again. You felt like today was going to be great.

…

Your ‘perfect day’ was a cut a little short, as after eating cookies, Rose stole you to plan her revenge against Dave (you were a double agent, but she couldn’t know!). After that, Dave took you on a joyride, describing the nearby parks and restaurants in detail. It was quite late when you returned, eager to see Bro, but then Jade dragged you off to a nearby grocery store for food. You were a little irritated by then.

You picked up a can of corn, and offered it to Jade. She took it, examined the label, then shook her head.

“No, it just won’t do!” She said, handing the car back to you. You groaned and picked another one up.

“Jade, come’on. I want to see Bro.” You said, handing her another car. Jade nodded.

“I know, but we really need to shop.” She said, throwing the car into the cart. “Next up is green beans!”

“Why, though? We’re all leaving tomorrow. Are we doing Bro’s shopping for him?” You questioned, walking a couple feet over to the green bean section. You looked over the cans, but glanced back at Jade when she didn’t answer. She seemed to be very into her phone, and you gave up. It looked like they were trying to keep you and Bro apart for some reason, although you couldn’t fathom why. You looked at the green beans and sighed, tossing another one to Jade. You had a feeling this was a going to be a long shopping trip.

When you finally got home, Jade rushed you up to bed.

“It’s late!” Was her excuse, basically pushing you into your room. You grumpily changed, brushed your teeth, and got into bed. Well, maybe you’d be able to see Bro before you left tomorrow. If they let you.


	10. finale

When your eyes fluttered open on the last day at Bro’s, you didn’t know what to think. You numbly went through the motions of getting ready, but inside all you could think about was Bro, and his stupid face, his stupid lips, his stupid house. You would miss it all so, so much. You were at the door to exit your room when you realized your face was wet. You rubbed at your tears. Seriously, were you a crying machine this week? You chuckled a bit at yourself, and opened the door. Soft carpet underneath your feet, lights strung up the walls, you headed downstairs. You moved and ran your hand along the worn banister on the way down, then headed left and entered the kitchen. It was empty, and dark. You flipped on the light. Scrubbed clean, it looked like. Silent, too. Where was everyone? You licked your lips, and decided to check the living room.

It was dark, but seemed covered in odd shapes. You were a little suspicious, but figured ‘why not?’. If it was your time to get pranked, it was your time. You prepared yourself, and flipped on the switch.

The room exploded into color and glitter and so much sugar. The explosions seem to take forever, like in slow motion: one smuppet, two smuppet, red smuppet, blue smuppet. It was over in seconds, of course, you sat dumbfounded, covered in the same mixture Jade was. You summoned your aspect, used it blow the stuff off your face so you could breath and see. Sure enough, Bro, Jade, and Rose were standing triumphant in the middle of room. You grinned.

“I can’t believe you used our prank on me! How could you??” You laughed, good-naturedly. Jade and Rose shook their heads, trying not to burst into laughter, but Bro couldn’t resist. He doubled over. You scoffed and approached him, grabbing his shoulder. He peeked up at you through lidded eyes, trying to get your sympathy. He would have no such luck.

“You are going to get pranked _so hard_ , Bro. So hard! How could you share our secrets with Rose and Jade! You monster!” You said, your eyes serious. Bro stood up straight and looked confidently at you, but his hands were shaking a little, giving him away.

“Maybe you could… stay till New Years, so you have ample time? To prank me?” He suggested, wiggling his eyebrows. It took a moment, but it sunk in.

“Y-you? Pranked me just to get an an ideal time to ask me to stay over longer? Bro…..” You said, laughing. Bro sniffled.

“I can’t believe it… you’re mocking me….” He said dramatically, one hand on his forehead, the other thrown down. It just made you laugh harder, and hug him firmly. He hugged you back, and you burrowed your head in his neck. He smelled nice, you thought.

“Get a room!” Jade hollered, and you turned your head to stick your tongue out at her, but didn’t stop the hug. In the end, Rose dragged you off him.

“Hey!” You whined, pouting at Rose.

“Well, the rest of us need to leave, John.” She said, motioning to the small-but-growing cluster of people gathering behind them in the glittery room. You blushed and nodded hard.

“O-of course.” You said, grabbing Bro’s hand and dragging him off to the side, near the tree. Jade and Rose retook center stage. Bro sat down, and encouraged you to sit down, as well. You sent a look of confusion at him, but did so. He pulled you into his lap, and you suddenly understood. You looked up at him, and swallowed as he looked down at you, his eyes soft and narrowed. You looked back towards Jade, and he wrapped his arms around you. It was really comforting, and you were very pleased.

“This year’s gift exchange was a smashing success!” Jade called out. A couple of the people gathered hooted and whistled, and Jade grinned. “The gifts went well, and we even have a new couple!” She motioned to you and Bro, and you blushed, hiding your face, as Bro whooped. Chuckles spread across the crowd, and attention was back on Jade as you slowly uncovered your face.

“It’s time to go now, though. Pack up your things, and have fun out there. I hope to see you all next year!” Jade said, a note of finality to her voice. The crowd of people stood up, and streamed by you, offering their congratulations in their own way. At last, you were only left with Jade, Rose, Dave, your Dad, and Dirk of all people. Dirk approached you, clearing his throat awkwardly as he crouched down to be on your level.

“John… Bro....” He began. “Bro, you’re sort of me, so this is kinda weird. But like, good luck. Be nice to John.” He said, fixing Bro with a serious stare. He then shifted his gaze to you. “John, don’t hesitate to call… this other me… out on his bullshit, a’right?” You nodded. Dirk seemed a little worried, and you didn’t blame him. It must be weird to see the ectobiological offspring of his friends date an older version of himself. He seemed done, and stood up, quickly rushing out of the room. Dad approached you next, and you stood up for him. Bro quickly followed suit. You hugged him. It was so good to see him like this.

“I’m so proud of you, son.” He said, pulling back, his eyes shining. He ruffled your hair, then turned to Bro, his eyes becoming stern.

“And as for you…” He said. Bro stood up straighter, starting your Dad right in the eyes, “Be good to him, alright?” Dad finished, softer than when he started. Bro nodded firmly.

“Of course, sir!” He said. It was almost comical, seeing him so serious. Your dad seemed satisfied, and turned back to you.

“See you soon, son.” Dad said, tipping his hat. You mock-bowed, and he chuckled before leaving. The only ones left were Jade, Dave, and Rose. They approached in a group. Safety in numbers, you thought.

“Well, I guess it’s time to leave you weirdos.” Dave said, fondly. He still looked a little confused by the both of you, but he was warming up. You slid your eyes over to Rose, and she gave you little smile- she must have talked to him.

“Don’t blow up the house, guys. Then Dave won’t have any place to crash when he runs out of money.” Jade said, jabbing Dave in the side. He snorted indignantly.

“I’m not going to!” He hissed. “Not if I have to come back to these two.” You were a little confused. You weren’t staying for that long? You had a house and a job, after all. Rose caught your gaze.

“I know what you’re thinking, John, but we’ll have to see about that.” She said vaguely. You nodded, your eyes open wide. Yeah. You liked Bro, but not enough to move in with him right off the bat. She gave you a knowing look.

All of you were silent, unsure of what to say, how to part. Finally, Jade just shook her head.

“Alright! Get it moving, people, we need to pack! Let’s go, let’s go, see you later Johnnnnnn!” She said, dragging Rose and Dave out of the room. You waved after her eagerly. Finally, it was just you and Bro. You turned to him. He was watching the door fondly, after your friends. It took him a moment to turn back to you.

“Hey… Bro.” You said, lacing your fingers with his and lifting them up. Bro smiled at you, content. You rested your forehead on his.

“I’m glad I met you.” You said, aiming your eyes down. Bro chuckled, his deep laugh reverberating through you.

“Yeah, I’m glad you met Dave and then fell in love with his brother, too.” He said. You looked up and pursed your lips.

“Why’d you have to ruin the moment?” You complained. Bro just chuckled again and leaned forward.

“How’s this for ruining the moment?” and touched his lips to yours. You sighed against his lips, and stepped forward, sliding your arms around his neck. He wrapped his around your waist, and you felt your aspect kicking up as you sank into the kiss. It was sweet, and you felt your heart beat contently. It blew up your hair, and his as well, sinking into him. He seemed surprised, and pulled back for a second.

“I don’t know if I’ll ever get used to that.” He said softly. You kissed his cheek and shook your head.

“Don’t worry, Bro. You’ll have plenty of time.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hope you enjoyed! ^-^


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